Marriage, they say, is a partnership, a bond built on love, trust, and mutual respect. But for me and my wife, it’s also built on something else: relentless teasing. Now, don’t get me wrong—I adore my wife. She’s sweet, kind, and has the patience of a saint. But when I start teasing her, all of that patience flies out the window, and she transforms into a woman who seems genuinely torn between laughing at me and smothering me with a pillow while I sleep.
It’s not like I plan these things. Teasing her is just… natural. It’s like breathing or blinking. Sometimes the opportunity presents itself, and before I can stop myself, the words are out.
Take, for example, a recent moment in the kitchen. My wife was struggling to open a jar of pickles. She was twisting the lid, banging it on the counter, even running it under hot water. I could tell she was getting frustrated, so naturally, I decided to “help.”
“Want me to call the neighbor?” I asked, pretending to flex my arm. “He looks like he hits the gym.”
Her head snapped toward me so fast that for a moment, I thought I was in real trouble. She gave me a look that could melt steel and said, “I don’t need your help or the neighbor’s help. I’ve got this.”
Of course, she did eventually get the jar open, but not before muttering something under her breath about how I’d be the next thing she tried to twist open if I didn’t stop talking.
Now, this kind of exchange happens all the time. It’s practically a sport at this point. Another example: One evening, we were watching a cooking competition show on TV. The chefs were whipping up gourmet dishes, and my wife turned to me and said, “Wow, that looks amazing. I should try making that!”
I couldn’t resist. “Oh, you mean you want me to try making that, because last time you boiled pasta, even the fire alarm gave up hope.”
Her jaw dropped. She put her hand on her hip and said, “Excuse me?!”
Now, a smart man would’ve apologized. A smart man would’ve said, “I’m kidding, your cooking is amazing!” But apparently, I am not a smart man.
“Don’t get me wrong,” I said with a smirk. “Your cooking is inspiring. It’s just that I’ve never seen anyone turn spaghetti into modern art before.”
That’s when she reached for a throw pillow and launched it directly at my head.
This is a recurring theme in our house. I say something mildly (or extremely) teasing, she throws a pillow, I duck, and we both laugh about it later. Or rather, I laugh about it, and she pretends to still be mad while secretly laughing too.
One time, after she had chased me around the house with a spatula (long story—let’s just say it involved me suggesting that her “homemade” cookies tasted suspiciously similar to store-bought ones), I decided to ask her a serious question.
“So, babe,” I said as we sat on the couch later that night, “how do you really feel about me when I tease you?”
She looked at me with a mix of exasperation and amusement. “How do I feel? You really want to know?”
I nodded.
She took a deep breath, like she was preparing to unload years of pent-up frustration. “I feel like I married a giant toddler. I feel like I’m raising a grown man who somehow thinks he’s a comedian. I feel like God looked at me and said, ‘You’ve had too much peace in your life—here, have some chaos.’”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “So… you’re saying you love it?”
She squinted at me, clearly unimpressed. “I wouldn’t go that far.”
But I wasn’t buying it. I’ve noticed that, no matter how much she rolls her eyes or acts annoyed, she secretly enjoys it. I’ve caught her smiling more times than I can count. She’ll try to hide it, of course—turning her head or pretending to be busy—but I always see it. And that’s how I know I’m doing my job as her husband.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I know there are limits. There was one time I pushed her just a little too far, and it’s a moment I’ll never forget.
We were out shopping, and she was trying on dresses. She stepped out of the fitting room in this gorgeous outfit and asked, “What do you think?”
Now, any normal husband would have said, “You look amazing!” or “That’s the one!” But not me. Oh no. I decided to be funny.
“It’s nice,” I said, tilting my head, “but it kind of looks like something my grandma would wear.”
The look she gave me could have turned me to stone. “Your grandma?” she repeated, her voice dangerously calm.
I realized I had made a grave mistake. “I mean, not in a bad way! Like, in a stylish grandma kind of way?”
The death stare continued.
“Okay, I’ll stop talking now,” I said, backing away slowly.
She didn’t say anything, but the car ride home was… quiet. Let’s just say I’ve learned to keep my comments to myself when it comes to shopping.
Despite moments like that, I know my teasing isn’t all bad. In fact, I think it keeps our relationship fun. We laugh more than most couples I know, and I like to think that my constant joking is part of the reason why.
The truth is, my wife and I balance each other out. She keeps me grounded, and I keep her on her toes. She might say that I’m a “full-time clown,” but I know she wouldn’t have it any other way. And honestly, I wouldn’t either.
So, how does my wife feel about me when I tease her? She feels annoyed, amused, exasperated, and entertained—all at the same time. And as long as she keeps laughing (even if she’s laughing while throwing a pillow at my head), I’ll keep teasing her.
Moral of the story? Marriage is a lot like comedy. Timing is everything, you need to know your audience, and sometimes you have to dodge a flying spatula. But as long as you’re both laughing in the end, you’re doing it right. 😂
