Attraction is often described as something steady, something people “just know” early in life. But for many individuals, it doesn’t work that way at all. Instead, their feelings shift and evolve, sometimes gradually and sometimes abruptly, creating a lifelong sense of uncertainty. One writer’s decades-long experience sheds light on a lesser-known identity—abrosexuality—and why having the right words can completely reshape a person’s sense of self.
A Lifelong Question She Didn’t Know How to Answer
In July 2024, writer Emma Flint shared a deeply personal reflection about a journey that lasted nearly 30 years. She described looking back on her life and realizing that her patterns of attraction didn’t follow a straight line. They changed, receded, reappeared, and shifted again, leaving her constantly unsure of where she fit.
At 32 years old, she finally found a word that made sense of her experience. But getting to that point wasn’t simple.
Flint recalled that for long stretches of her adolescence and early adulthood, she believed she was a lesbian. At other times, she experienced attraction toward men. Then there were months when she didn’t feel any romantic or physical interest at all toward anyone. After each period, her sense of identity would shift again.
For much of her life, that left her feeling adrift. She described the sensation as “standing on an ever-moving shoreline,” where nothing felt stable enough to confidently define herself.
“I didn’t feel indecisive,” she wrote. “I felt misunderstood—mostly by myself.”
The confusion wasn’t about labels; it was about understanding why her internal compass kept moving in ways she couldn’t predict.
Feeling Misunderstood by Herself and Others
Flint explained that the hardest part wasn’t only her personal uncertainty—it was how difficult it was to talk about with the people closest to her. Each time her attractions changed, she felt like she was presenting a different identity to friends or family. That inconsistency made her worry that others would see her as unreliable or unsure, even though she felt each shift deeply and genuinely.
“At times, I felt almost guilty saying one thing and later feeling differently,” she recalled. “It made me wonder whether others thought I was confused, when in my heart, each version of myself felt real in that moment.”
These shifting feelings also made relationships complicated. She often questioned whether these fluctuations meant something was “wrong” with her, or whether she simply didn’t fit into the categories she had always tried to use.
Those years were marked by a sense of being out of place—not because she lacked attraction, but because her attraction never stayed still long enough for her to confidently claim a stable label.
The Word That Changed Everything
The breakthrough happened unexpectedly. Flint came across the term “abrosexual” in an online forum dedicated to lesser-known identities on the LGBTQ+ spectrum. In that moment, everything clicked.
The definition described someone whose attraction changes over time—sometimes frequently, sometimes gradually. It didn’t dictate which gender someone is drawn to. Instead, it focused on the pattern of change itself.
“For once,” she wrote, “I felt accurately represented.”
The discovery didn’t eliminate all her past uncertainty, but it provided a framework—a language that made her experience feel real and understandable.
What Abrosexuality Means
Abrosexuality is described as a form of fluid attraction. Unlike labels such as heterosexual, bisexual, or gay—which specify the gender someone is drawn to—abrosexuality speaks to the movement of attraction over time.
Educational sources describe several key elements:
• Attraction shifts on its own timeline.
Some people experience daily changes, while others notice shifts over weeks, months, or years.
• It does not require attraction to multiple genders.
An abrosexual person may focus on one gender for long periods, then shift again later.
• It includes periods of low or no attraction.
These phases are normal and part of the identity for some individuals.
• It is valid even if the person has stable relationships.
Fluctuating attraction doesn’t prevent someone from maintaining deep commitment.
By centering on experience rather than gender, the definition gives people space to understand themselves without feeling pressured to commit to a single orientation that doesn’t match their reality.
Flint’s View: “I Love the Person, Not the Gender”
Flint expressed that her attraction has always been tied more to the individual than to gender categories. She emphasized that these changes didn’t interfere with her relationships because she connected with people based on who they were, not on labels.
Still, she pointed out that some people remain uncomfortable with identities outside the mainstream.
“There are always individuals who insist that I should ‘choose a side’ so it’s easier for them to understand,” she explained. “But not understanding something doesn’t make it any less real for the people who live it.”
Her words reflect a wider conversation happening in many communities: the need for empathy, openness, and acknowledgment that human identity is more varied than some expect.
Examples of How Abrosexuality Can Appear
One major misconception is that abrosexuality always follows a dramatic or frequent pattern. In reality, it looks different for everyone. Educational guides offer examples to illustrate how varied the experience can be:
1. Day-to-day shifts:
Someone might wake up one morning feeling drawn to men and notice the next day that their attraction has shifted toward women.
2. Months-long phases:
A person might feel open toward all genders for a long time, then find that after a few months, their feelings shift toward one specific gender.
3. Fluctuating levels of attraction:
Some individuals experience periods with little or no romantic interest at all. Later, their attraction may become active again, possibly directed toward different genders.
4. Long-term personal evolution:
A person might identify as straight for many years before realizing that their attractions have expanded or changed as their life experiences broaden.
None of these patterns is more “real” or “authentic” than the others. They demonstrate that abrosexuality isn’t a single path but a spectrum of experiences that center on natural variation.
Why Language Matters So Deeply
Flint’s story shows why having the right terminology can be life-changing. Without language, people often internalize confusion, doubt, or shame—not because they are unsure of themselves, but because they simply don’t know how to explain what they feel.
For many, learning new vocabulary is not about labels for the sake of labels. It’s about finally finding a place where their experience makes sense.
Flint wrote that discovering the word “abrosexual” made her feel understood for the first time, after decades of believing her shifting attraction was something she needed to fix or hide.
Moving Toward Acceptance
Flint hopes that as awareness grows, abrosexuality will be recognized simply as another natural identity—neither unusual nor attention-seeking.
“We are constantly learning about ourselves,” she wrote. “I hope that, in time, this identity becomes widely understood as just one part of the diverse human experience.”
Her story serves as encouragement for others who may feel displaced or misunderstood because their attraction doesn’t fit traditional definitions.
What Are Your Thoughts?
Whether someone is familiar with these identities or discovering them for the first time, conversations like this create space for acceptance, understanding, and empathy. Many people walk through life feeling “out of place” simply because they haven’t found the right vocabulary.
What do you think about identities like abrosexuality?
Feel free to share your perspective so the conversation can continue.